Sometimes, though rarely, I have these wonderful, intense feelings of emotion, where I feel simultaneously very happy and very sad. It is as though I see the world in all its fullness, and I can see all that is beautiful and all that is tragic. I want to cry, out of a mixture of joy and sadness. I feel very human.
Sometimes a little part of my lonely soul opens up, and something reaches out, like a tentacle, I imagine, into the world. It has sensed something good and wants to touch it – to grab onto, perhaps, a fellow tentacle from a fellow person’s soul. Sometimes it finds one. Other times it waves around in futile desperation, blind and vulnerable, hoping that it will find something and when it doesn’t, it shrinks back inside, deeply disappointed, and my soul closes over again. My little squishy soul is protected again inside the hard shell that I keep it in, a bit like an armor, really.
It must be the times that I let my soul out that I feel so very human. It’s like a clitoris, so sensitive and responsive to all that’s going on around it. Capacity for immense joy and intense pain. Will shrink back inside at a moment’s notice. I guess we all have to learn how to treat each others’ souls.